Choosing to Believe in the Star Goddess

A few months ago, I wrote about outgrowing atheism, an admission which frankly made me uneasy. I’ve intentionally avoided the word “belief” in recent years, preferring to center my spiritual identity around practice. After all, as Zen master Thich Nhat Hanh says, “My actions are my only true belongings.” Furthermore I’m a naturalist and an evidentialist to my core. I don’t believe there exist worlds and beings outside of Nature, because I don’t have any reliable evidence for them.

And yet. Spiritual practice has opened me to spiritual experiences that I can’t fully interpret, without reference to stories, values, goals, and yes, even faith, for which there is no scientific evidence. So while what I actually do in this one real, precious world, or “walking the talk,” will always be the heart of my spirituality, allowing some beliefs for which I have no factual basis, for which there can be no factual basis, enriches my life. Moreover, I’m increasingly finding that I can no longer clearly separate my spiritual practices from my beliefs, if ever I was able to do so; they inform and shape each other in an endless loop. In this post I want to record and explore some of my current spiritual beliefs, with the understanding that, when things are going well, beliefs change in response to experience and further reflection.

IMG_3565 (1)detail of Vince Hannemann’s Cathedral of Junk, March 2018

First, I believe in mystery. I believe that the world as it is, the universe, is so vast and so complex that it is beyond human physiology to understand it completely. This is not to say that the universe is not understandable, or that any and every idea we have about it is true, only that it is beyond the limited perspective of a human mind to understand. In order to even approach an understanding of the world as it is, we humans need multiple investigative tools, such as art, reason, and science, and the multiple kinds of knowledge that result from their applications: aesthetic, logical, ethical, empirical. In other words, human knowledge, the meaning we construct from our experiences, is inherently contextual and limited. No single person or tradition has an exclusive angle on absolute truth.

Second, because I’m happier and more engaged with the world for believing so, I believe that the World As It Is, the Reality of Which We Are All a Part, the Whole Cosmos, is God Hirself. In Reclaiming Witchcraft we call this being the Star Goddess, or the Starry Mother, “in whom we live, move, and have our being.” In the Modern Minoan pantheon She is currently called Ourania. I tend not to anthropomorphize this Great Cosmic Mother, for she is more of a somewhere/everywhere than a someone, but instead think of Hir as the Web of All Being.

Web by BilderwensePhoto by Bilderwense via CC license

The Star Goddess is neither personal nor transcendent. She is Nature, the World, the Universe, the immanent, underlying unity that pervades and draws together into one big whole all of existence. Since She connects all, whatever love and respect I hold for the Star Goddess must naturally extend to the beings with whom I share Hir. Believing in a divine Web of Being that connects everything “makes the whole world kin,” as Ulysses says to Achilles, in Shakespeare’s Troilus and Cressida.

IMG_3910Theology found on a tea bag

I associate with the Star Goddess webs, spirals, the starry sky, winds, birds, roses, tea, breath work, the Big Bang, music, dancing, singing, and silence. In trance I have encountered Hir as a great starry vulture, and as a tree unfurling star-shaped blossoms.

I actively choose to believe that the Universe is divine, not because I have any concrete, material evidence for believing so, but because believing that the Universe is divine enriches my life with beauty, peace, and a sense of connection to something larger than myself. The evidence for my Star Goddess is personal, aesthetic, and ethical, not empirical or rational. In other words, my faith is a conscious choice, one I make because it improves my psychological well-being and my relationship with the world, not a factual claim that can be evaluated using the scientific method. Scientific experiments result in data, which can then be analyzed in a number of different ways to check a hypothesis. Scientific experiments can’t tell us how to feel or what to value.

Grooving on my own personal mashup of naturalism, pantheism, and feminist theology, and influenced in no small part by John Halstead’s idea of “a devotional practice with the world at its center,” I’ve been working out a set of devotions to express the faith I’ve outlined here and invite the kinds of experiences that flow from it. For example, on waking up each morning I pray:

Today I entrust myself to the World

And the World entrusts Hirself to me.

May I be present, open, and compassionate.

Because pantheism is an ancient idea, reflected in a variety of religious and mystical traditions, sources of inspiration for devotions abound. For example, on leaving my house for work or other daily activities, I pause at the threshold and say this devotion, based on a Robert Lax poem:

My own little home,

The whole great World.

The whole great World,

My home.

And of course I have a devotion for sky/stargazing, which feels too private and powerful to post at this time.

The shape of one’s theology is ultimately a personal choice; there is no evidence, scientific or otherwise, that proves or disproves the existence of gods. Each us must ask and answer for ourselves the meaning of myth and ritual, what the world is really like, and what constitutes a life well-lived. As long as our theological choices do no harm to others, they deserve respect. I don’t expect or care whether anyone else chooses to believe in the Star Goddess unless it’s helpful and meaningful to them. Diverse perspectives make the world interesting and beautiful, and we can live in peace and mutual respect, even if our theologies differ.

I choose to believe in the Star Goddess because doing so brings me joy.

What way of doing theology brings you joy?

 

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Practice Well-Being for Earth Day

Even though there’s no official slot for it on the Pagan Wheel of the Year, Earth Day, which began on April 22, 1970, when millions of people across the U.S. demonstrated for peace and environmental protection, feels like one of the holiest days of my year, right up there with Samhain. To celebrate Earth Day, I like making a shrine together with my kids, going on wildflower walks, fishing trash out of a local creek, and meditating. Like many of you, I tend to spend the day assessing my current relationship with the environment and brainstorming ways I could better love this one, precious planet that supports life as we all know and enjoy it.

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Honeybee on horseherb growing in my yard

This year I feel committed to quitting disposable plastic straws and to curbing my use of disposable cups and cutlery. Seriously, there’s no reason why I need to use plastic straws. And I already have reusable cups and even a travel spork that I could more reliably pack. Actually pulling the spork out and using it might be a bit socially awkward, but the best part about getting older is that I care less and less what others think of me, and more and more about living authentically, as I creep closer and closer to 40.

Those who choose to demonstrate, do community service, or make lifestyle changes in honor of Earth Day are certainly in keeping with tradition. Thank you! For picking up trash, for marching, for building compost bins and gardens at your neighborhood schools, for trading in your car for a hybrid or electric, for pledging to fly less and eat less meat, and to carpool and vote more often. Thank you for doing some of the things on the laundry lists of environmentally sustainable “shoulds” that are flooding all of our social media feeds for this week and this week only.

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Compost bin made from wooden pallets at my kids’ school

But I want to suggest another way of celebrating our beloved Eairth this April 22, one that’s just as much work and even more radical and uncommon than community activism: take really good care of yourself, because real, lasting change starts at home. I’m not talking about pedicures or expensive chocolate, although I’m a fan of both. However, I am suggesting that the holiest things any of us can do on Earth Day are simply drinking enough water, resting if we need to rest, moving if we need to move, and eating truly nourishing foods. For the love of Her, we need to make our art, hug our people, and pet our fuzzy four-leggeds this week. We need to walk outside and exchange eye contact and smiles with friends and neighbors. We need to breathe slowly and deeply, to journal, and to practice gratitude. This week is the perfect time to take the first decisive steps on the path to wellness, whatever that looks like for you. Because we’re all a part of Eairth Hirself, self-care is Eairth-care.

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Walking barefoot along Bull Creek

And if we’re not healthy, neither is She.

 

On Being Witch: How, Why, Where, When, and with Whom?

A number of recent posts in the Pagan blogosphere, including Lisa Wagoner’s first post in her new Patheos blog Witch, Indeed? and John Halstead’s recent post on why people may have good reason to make fun of Wiccans and witches, have me thinking about the labels that I put around my spiritual practice. I plan to explore the topic in a series of posts, but for today I want to focus on why I identify as witch and when it might be worth it to say so. Why use the W-word at all, when I’m likely to be misunderstood and disrespected for it, even by other members of the NeoPagan community? Continue reading “On Being Witch: How, Why, Where, When, and with Whom?”

March Blue Moon Tea: Dewberry

I have a long history with dewberry plants, since my dad used to grow them along the back fence of our home, when I was a child. He got his canes from my grandparents, who got theirs from my Texas German great-grandparents, who used to turn the berries into wonderful pies, jelly, and wine. Most of the dewberry canes I’ve encountered as an adult living in Austin grow wild in sunny clearings like this one:

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The young leaves and flowers make a wonderful tea. I picked less than 10% of the flowers that I saw in this patch, though, to avoid impacting the insects already enjoying them and to avoid substantially decreasing the summer berry harvest.

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Sweetened with local honey, this was my favorite wildcrafted simple of the year yet.

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Spring in the Texas Hill Country, even in the city, is so sweet.

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Happy Full Moon, and hope it’s just as lovely where you are, dear readers.

Notes on Spring Equinox 2018

Happy High Spring! Today I walked with Poe and observed what’s happening outside. The Austin sky is sunny and breezy today, with temperatures only in the 60s F, and thank all the gods, no packages except those that I ordered have been delivered to our front door.

Early spring bloomers like henbit and chickweed now look leggy and wilted, but spiderwort, wind flower, fleabane, bluebonnet, paintbrush, and pink evening primrose have begun to bloom. Redbud continues to bloom, and mountain laurel, too, perfuming the breeze with the scent of grape soda laced with jasmine.

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Continue reading “Notes on Spring Equinox 2018”

Growing beyond atheism

Eleven years ago this spring, I participated in a weekend-long mindfulness meditation retreat. Two continuous days of scheduled sitting and walking meditation, dharma talks, and silent meals left me rested and clear, yet inexplicably discontented. On the third and final day of the retreat a choice of activities was offered, including more sitting meditation, attending a workshop, or hiking. I had pined all weekend from my cushion indoors for unstructured time outside in the spring sun, so I chose to explore a trail through the park’s oak-juniper woods.

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After walking for some time, I slowed in a sunny clearing of Ashe junipers to admire the the trees, the light, the sky. Unexpected words swelled up, which seemed to roll through my mind and out across the woods around me with the clarity and resonance of thunder. Continue reading “Growing beyond atheism”